My Current Situation

It's been nearly a month since I last posted.  My apologies, but I have been doing a lot of job-searching and trying to survive.  This isn't going to be a super-Pagan post, but I just thought I would give everybody an update about what's been going on in my life the last couple of months.

As I think you all know, I resigned from my teaching job in February, intending to go back to nursing school.  (Oh, and don't worry--I finished out the school year...can't be breaking contracts, now, can we?)  Well, the nursing school plan fell through because I realized that I didn't have near enough money to take classes, and I had three prerequisites that I would have had to take over the summer.  Academically I would've been on-point, but financially I was--and am--still struggling.

If you don't like to hear about financial problems, now would be the time to exit my page.  The only reason I am putting this here (as opposed to YouTube or Facebook--although, I probably will link this to The Pagan Mama Diaries FB page as usual) is because I don't want to seem like a whiner or like a charity case (because, let's face it, it's hard to not think those things about people who talk about their financial problems).  I figure I have a smaller following on my blog, so I guess I feel safer sharing these things here--hopefully I don't get much backlash!  Anyway.

My teaching job was at a parochial school, and I was salaried at $20,000 my first year, and $21,500 this past year.  After all of my deductions (insurance, etc.) I was making about $1,400 and $1,600 a month, respectively.  This wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have a child to parent by myself (I have not received child support since May), or if I had a partner helping me with bills.  However, this salary has not been enough to support us as far as housing, paying my student loans, paying other monthly bills, and paying for daycare.

A little back story:  I had my son a year-and-a-half before I graduated from college, so I was a broke single mother (his sperm donor basically abandoned us) living on welfare and using my student loan money to pay bills.  I had food stamps, daycare assistance, practically free housing, and my son had Medicaid.  As soon as I got a job, I no longer had any of that.  (Well, my son does have Medicaid still--paying for him to be on my insurance policy would have cost me a couple hundred a month!)  Almost overnight I went from having about $300 a month in food stamps that were always spent on healthy foods, to having to figure out how to grocery shop more frugally without having to feed processed crap to my son for every meal.  I went from not paying ANYTHING for daycare to having a $400/month daycare bill.  I went from paying $20/month for public housing to paying $450/month for a house.

If this sounds like I'm all "woe is me," I guess it kind of is.  I just wish that there were some kind of weaning program--something to help wean you off of welfare, because DAMN, was real welfare-less life a shocker!  I did reapply for assistance my first year teaching, and I was informed that $1,400 a month is not enough to get help with daycare.  Mind you, I was paying $400 for daycare, $450 for rent, plus electric, gas, utilities, diapers, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  (You all know what those bills look like, I'm sure.)  I had MAYBE $200 left at the end of the month for incidentals (gassing up the car, etc.) if I was lucky.  I actually quit taking my epilepsy medication so I could save money.  OH!  And I was paying down a $500 bill (after insurance) from my last office visit to the neurologist>>>OMG.  So, I basically quit taking my Topamax, quit taking birth control (didn't need it), and tried to get down the bare minimum of what I needed to stay healthy.  I do have WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) assistance, so that helps a bit with groceries, and it's wonderful that they have changed the program to include fresh fruits and vegetables--we get $6 worth of those each month.  Of course, they last about a week, depending on what we get, but still, it's money that I am not having to pay out-of-pocket.

I did find a new daycare provider, and you know what?  My son's daycare provider is one of the most Christian women I've ever met.  She knows how little I make and hard I struggle, so she has been charging me half of what she normally would, and she is the definition of a G-d-send.  Unfortunately, I think what started The Horror of Summer 2012 was that I tried to pay off my daycare bill in May (because I was still a bit behind), and then I was threatened with eviction because my landlord hadn't cashed my April rent until the end of May (along with the check for May!), and--stupid me--I didn't realize it wasn't out of my bank account.  Grr.

So, starting in June, I had to have help paying my rent.  My boyfriend loaned me some money, for rent, and then a few weeks later I was getting lonely and distraught over missing my son, so he loaned me money to retrieve him from my mother's house (which was a state away).  I was hoping that that would be all I had to borrow, but then he loaned me money for my July rent.  Now, here I am, jobless, one more paycheck coming at the end of the month, and no money to pay my rent that was due three days ago.  Double grr.

My community and surrounding area have several online garage sale pages on Facebook, so I've been trying like mad to sell half of the stuff we own.  I really am trying to hang on to things that have meaning to me as a mother, because I hope that one day they will have meaning to him (and possibly his children).  There is no way that I am selling my mom's, my aunt's, or my old toys--they're mostly considered antiques now!  And books?  Fuhgeddaboudit.

Speaking of antiques, I had two antique babies that meant a lot to me, and I sold one in June while my son was gone, trying to get money to go get him.  My 1924 Singer Treadle Machine went bye-bye, and my boyfriend got pissed off at me for not telling him that I needed help (I tend to be a proud person).  Now, I'm trying to get rid of my nice, solid oak dining room table and my 1890s piano--that baby is in storage because I moved into an apartment to try to save money, so I am now trying to clean out the storage unit to eliminate a bill.  Maybe I'm a Scrooge, but I don't price my stuff as low as a lot of people in this town.  Lo siento, but I am not going to sell you twenty of my son's board books for $10, and I will NOT NOT NOT just GIVE you my piano!  I feel awful for selling some of my baby's toys, but apparently people only want to buy kid's stuff.  The ratio of adult to children's items that I've been selling is probably 1:4.

So, as I've been typing this over the last two hours (thank you for distracting me, YouTube people!), I've started thinking about how all of this monetary lacking in my life has spilled over into my spirituality and my emotions.  I have been very unproductive the last couple of months, and I know that it's due to not knowing what I'm doing with my life.  Although I am not the type of person who "plans" things--I would much rather be spontaneous--motherhood is making me very nervous about how I will provide for my child.  If I sold my table and the tote full of baby's outgrown clothing in the next day or two I would be ecstatic.

Last month I did a few money spells and burned some money-drawing incense (which I LOVED!), and it seemed to help.  I admit that I did spend some money on Business Oil, and it seems to work a little, but I don't know what else to do.  I mean, I am not solely relying on Magick to aid me--I'm legit working to make ends meet and find a job right now.  I'm selling my belongings, books, dishes, etc. online, I listed some stuff (for free) on ebay, I have several books and movies on Amazon, I have my etsy store, I sell my soaps locally, and yet I have nothing!  All of my money is going to pay medical bills--I had a $700 root canal done in April, and I'm still paying for it, and several "womanly" appointments (due to a lump in my breast an pre-cancerous cells on my cervix) that are costing me a ton, as well.  Ugh.  I feel like I can't catch a break!

So in short (for a not-short post), I am just asking that everybody reading this would send some prayers, positive energy, love and light our way, because we are very in need right now!  I don't really know what else to say right now, so I will just leave you with that request...thank you in advance!  I really believe that the Pagan community has a great heart and when the community prays together, truly amazing things happen! <3
Love and Light to all of YOU!
)O(

Flogging Molly, Arbor Day, and Crystals!

'Ello!  I know I've been MIA for quite some time now, and I would tell you that I plan on making up for it, but I'm sure you are all beginning to see what happens when I "plan" things.  This is why I have always been a "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of gal!  I get things done when I get them done, and usually at an unnecessarily leisurely pace! :P

I'm sure that the title of this post gave you a "WTF?!" moment if you don't follow me on Facebook or YouTube!  I've been trying to play catch-up on YT lately...today I posted a video for the first time in weeks!  Oy!  Anyway, the above title pertains to what I have been doing with myself lately, and more specifically, the past week.

This past weekend was my birthday, which I celebrated by going to see Flogging Molly in Omaha with my boyfriend, my brother, and one of my best friends.  A few other friends came out afterwards, but I must say that I wasn't really able to continue my drunk fest--oh, I'm getting old!  (Either that or I had entirely too much to drink at the concert!)  I came away from the night with a new beer-and-smoke-scented t-shirt, so it wasn't a total bust, eh?  

The next day we (the BF and I) awoke, checked out of our hotel, and cruised Omaha and went to see one of my best friends from high school.  I decided after driving around for an hour that I wanted to search for a metaphysical shop I'd seen online, so I undertook THAT task, not realizing that it would take me an hour to find it!  Let me tell you, my search for Next Millennium was time well spent!  I didn't spend very much time or money in the store, but I am sure I'll make up for it some day!  I have been having a lot of financial difficulty lately, but I couldn't leave without making a purchase, so I bought some Nag Champa and three crystals:  a citrine, an amethyst, and a clear quartz.  

I believe the entire purchase cost me about $13, so...not bad!  I was very impressed by the store's prices and employees.  My boyfriend and I were headed to a wedding, yet we were still dressed like bums and needed to find a place to change, and a couple of wonderful employees offered us the use of their restroom.  The BF was a bit hesitant, but I was like, "Oh my gosh, I love the Pagan community!  Everybody is so welcoming!" and he softened up.  He'd actually sat in the car during my shopping excursion (all the while texting me to hurry up), mostly because he didn't (and probably still doesn't) fully understand exactly what a metaphysical shop is.  I was really trying to not use the word "occult" in explaining it to him, but he finally seemed to grasp the concept a bit better once that word came out of my mouth!

(Just to clear this up:  I have not 100% explained to the man the depth of my interest in Paganism and Witchcraft.  However, I do have all of my occult books sitting out in the open on a shelf in my bedroom, so he is more than welcome to browse and ask questions--nothing is being hidden from him, but I have been slow to talk about my religious beliefs.)

Okay.  I'm actually getting tired of typing right now.  So.  We attempted to go to a wedding, but were slowed down by stupid highway traffic. (Traffic on Nebraska's [or other Midwestern state's] highways usually consists of ending up behind a tractor or trailer going ten or fifteen below the speed limit, FYI.)  Since we missed the wedding, we hit up the reception, which was held at the Lied Lodge in Nebraska City, home of Arbor Day, biotches!  I ventured out into the Arbor Day Farm's "forest" area and made a short video and took pictures for YouTube.  (Go check it out!)

For those of you who care enough to still be reading at this point, we left the reception at 9 pm because I didn't feel well, spent three hours driving before we found a hotel with any vacancy, and I went to bed with a fever and chills.   Happy Birthday to me--I was sick!

When we got home the next day, I had a package waiting from Fairy in the Forest Jewelry!  I'm sure some of you know (or are lol) Alice the Red Rose Fairy from YouTube--she makes some absolutely beautiful jewelry!  I ordered three pairs of earrings from her and could not be more pleased--they are so wonderful to behold!  (I will have to upload a picture at a later date, though, because my blog is being a butt.)  

Aaaand that about sums up my weekend, I guess.  Congratulations if you survived all the way to this sentence--you're a trooper...bless ye!