Due to some huge changes in my life, I have been entirely absent from my blog and from my YouTube for quite some time now, and I really and truly have intentions of making this up to those of you who follow me (which, might actually be limited to two people :S ). I feel so awful for falling so far behind on the Year and a Day videos I was doing, as well as on my book reviews...and surprise! I have about three book reviews for you when video-making time commences! Woot! (Also, if you write me snail-mail letters, I'm getting to it!)
Anyway...here's a little update on some life changes I've made recently:
LIVING ARRANGEMENTS
This past weekend (or the weekend before yesterday? lol) found us moving from our cozy little apartment in western Nebraska to a not-so-cozy apartment in northern Iowa. As of right now, my son and I are living in a one-bedroom apartment that basically consists of a hallway and a few rooms built off of said hallway. It is an incredibly inconvenient living arrangement, but we are making do with what we have. My boyfriend and his brother helped us move my hoarder's apartment 9 hours away with a flat-bed. Bless his heart, J's dad bought some lumber and the boys put up sides on the trailer, so my belongings didn't fly off. My packing skills are apparently not as BA as I had hoped because I was still packing until late last Saturday night/Sunday morning...oops. We got most everything, and I should have insisted on furniture coming over first, but it is mostly still sitting in NE, along with my kitchen and my bed. This weekend Baby E and I are going to make the 9-hour drive back for Thanksgiving with my (hopefully) future-in-laws, which will be another three hours south of the old home with the (hopefully) future-grandparent-in-laws. Oy vey! The man child will stay with his now-surrogate grandparents on Friday whilst the big man and I head back to my still-not-vacated apartment and finish packing my belongings and moving my furniture into storage.
(Here, I do have to say that I am not a hoarder in the traditional sense--my mother gave me everything she'd saved from my childhood, so I have been trying to weed through all of my history, which is definitely not easy for a sentimental soul like me...although, I will admit to being a total bibliophile...packing all of my books was incredibly daunting.)
I will be bringing back all that I can fit into my little car--my dishes, food, teaching curriculum that I somehow forgot.... I think that most of my larger furniture is going to sit in a storage unit until I can sell it on the Facebook garage sale pages. (I've been trying to get rid of that beast of an entertainment center I bought for my witchy items, but nobody wants it...poor thing.) Yours truly should really be grateful to have such great people for potentially future in-laws...J's mother has offered to let me use her basement for storage, and I am definitely taking her up on that offer. My storage unit (which holds my piano and an antique dresser awaiting refinishing) gets unbelievably dusty, so I'll store my furniture in the storage unit and my boxes in the basement.
Oh...but living arrangements. My love has yet to join us, but our goal is for him to be here by the end of December or beginning of January, and this seems to be a very reasonable and attainable goal. He is not really wanting to stay working in foster care because of the emotional toll it takes on him, and I find that completely understandable. However, there is a part of me that wants him to just grow a pair and let all of that slide off of him because he is good at his job and actually gives a damn about where the kids whose cases he handles get placed and he actually gives a damn about their well-being, which isn't the case with all social workers, unfortunately. Regardless of what he decides to do, I will support him...as long as he hurries up and gets here! :P This past week has kind of sucked due to not being able to see his face and love on him, but it hasn't been too awful because I know that I will see him in...OMG TWO DAYS OMG!!!!
When he gets here we'll probably move out of our one-bedroom top-floor apartment with the paper thin walls. Yay! (Also, this will be the first time I have ever lived with anybody, so I'm gonna need prayers!)
EMPLOYMENT
The reason for our sudden move: I will be fulfilling the role as a K-12 music teacher for a small school not far from where I am currently living, as the contracted person has failed to show up for work since February. (WHOA!) I really have a fairly easy schedule for school, and it is very appreciated by my mental health. I'm actually sitting here blogging at the end of the school day. :) Making the decision to take this job opportunity and move my little family was met with much tribulation and many tears. As you well know, I have been unemployed since resigning from my previous teaching post at the end of the 2011-2012 school year, and I have had quite the time affording to maintain a roof over our heads and putting food on our plates. I don't think I blogged or vlogged about it, but I actually applied for a number of jobs in our town in Nebraska, but apparently holding a Bachelor's Degree takes you out of the running for jobs that require a high school diploma. Who knew?
Anyway, I went back and forth, back and forth, back and forth about taking this job. J was very encouraging because of the financial opportunity that it would afford me, but he was also understanding of my reluctance to take Baby E out of his wonderful daycare and away from his home and the people he's known his whole life. (Well, as far back as he can remember, anyway.) While I started to get serious about coming out here, I did apply for a CNA job at a nursing home in Nebraska, and to be honest, I would have LOVED that job, but a few days before it was offered to me, I called the principal at the IA school and told him I would fill this district's need. And hey, wouldn't you know it?!: Within about five days of accepting this job I received three job offers in Nebraska (after months of rejection). Hm. When it rains it pours, eh?!
DIET & NUTRITION
My diet has suffered a bit over the last week or so. I am a person who bakes everything from scratch, cooks everything from scratch, and doesn't consume a great deal of processed food. Having left most of my kitchen in Nebraska, I have resorted to microwavable food *shudders* or sandwiches for both my son and I, and consuming alcohol to eliminate the hunger. I've also been using styrofoam plates and bowls (because my mother brought them to me) and feel like a total whore. (That might actually end up becoming a post of its own).
...anyway. This change in diet definitely affected me--the alcohol not so much, but I ate a tv dinner last week and was sick within thirty minutes. Needless to say, I am not buying any more tv dinners! After I retrieve all of my kitchen utensils, spices, etc. this weekend, I do plan on returning to a more healthful diet!
Also, I am making it a goal to exercise more while I have this time away from my love. Normally, I spend my evenings with my son, and then when he goes to bed I am with my boyfriend. Now, I plan on using that time to exercise or go to bed early so I can wake up early and exercise. Granted, this new exercise plan has not been put into effect yet, simply because of my jet-laggish exhaustion at the end of the school days...I get home and just want to collapse!
SCHEDULING/SLEEPING
My body has forgotten what it's like to be absolutely and completely exhausted at the end of the day, so I have been adjusting to a new sleeping/waking schedule...quite different from that awful habit I got into this summer of staying up until 3am! I started work last Wednesday, and every single night I was 100% drained and felt like dying when my son didn't want to go to bed at 7 pm!
Oh. Sleeping. That also brings up the fact that we have moved to an entirely different time zone. We were living on Mountain Time in western Nebraska, and here we are on Central Time. I suppose that moving right after the end of Daylight Savings Time has helped me, though. In preparation for our move, I didn't set our clocks back, which put us on post-DST Central Time. I really am loving this because it isn't dark at 4:30 here...living on the eastern edge of a time zone during the winter is a bit hellish as far as daylight hours go.
(My boyfriend and my mother have both been calling me to wake me up in the morning, so I suppose I have some more adjusting to do!)
FINANCIAL SITUATIONOkay, so the financial opportunity that has been given to me by taking this position is an absolute gift from above. I will be receiving long-term substitute teacher pay, which will be about twice as much as I made teaching as a contracted school employee at a private school last year. So. I am definitely winning on that front! Part of the plan for the bf moving out here consists of me actually supporting him for a month or so, and truth be told, I would love to be able to support him because he has done so much for me and I don't really know how else to show him gratitude. I don't mean for this to sound materialistic in any way. He has provided for me when I've needed it the most, and he needs some respite from job stress, so I feel that he deserves to be taken care of. Does anybody understand that? Good! :P
So, provided all goes well, I will be able to afford rent and living expenses, afford for Baby E to go to a good daycare/preschool program while I work, and hopefully pay off all of my medical bills and avoid being taken to collections. (Guess we need to figure out something for health insurance, though.)
YAY!
Alright, well, now that I've been typing for several several minutes and you've been reading for several minutes, I thank you for caring and suppose it's time I pick up my desk (yay, I have a desk!) and head home...I'll try to come back tomorrow! :)
Monday, November 19, 2012
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Would You Host an Orphan?
Today I was scrolling through my not-Pagan Facebook page and discovered that another mom blogger had posted this link: http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/47275
I'm not sure that I've ever heard of this before, but apparently this is a thing: families can host an orphan in their home for four weeks, either resulting in adoption (YAY!!!), a long-lasting relationship, a child's heart being broken, or who knows what (*sadface*).
I have no experience with orphans or adoption (minus my mother and aunt being abandoned children in a foreign country who were brought to the US in the '60s), so I obviously don't speak from personal experience when I say that I think this seems like a horrible idea IF you have no intentions of eventually adopting the child you host. Even bringing the child into your home in order to "see how it goes" seems a little heartless to me. I say, forget your own emotions and consider the child you'd be bringing into your home. He or she is most likely going to have expectations of being permanently taken into your home. Also, one of the reasons that children are more difficult to adopt as they get older is that they tend to develop more emotional damage as the years pass. (This probably seems like a gross generalization, but children as young as three and four can be hard to adopt due to psychological/mental health issues.)
I have inspected the website www.kidsave.org, which seems to be at the center of the previous link's ire. It does appear that there is a program called "Weekend Miracles," which appears (to me) as a Big Brother/Big Sister-type program, and seems like a pretty good idea. The "Volunteer" section under "Weekend Miracles" says:
"Volunteers for Weekend Miracles can be host families, mentors or advocates for children. We also need people to help recruit host families among every demographic group — Caucasian families, families of color and families who will support gay, lesbian and transgender youth. Gay families are welcome. Together we recruit people to manage events each weekend so the kids can meet people interested in adopting and mentoring them. We partner with community organizations to host weekend events for kids — churches, synagogues, civic groups. If you have PR skills, website development, photography or social work expertise we can use you, too. If you or your organization are interested, please fill out a volunteer inquiry and a Kidsave staff member will get right back to you."
Like I said, seems legit...I would probably be down to do this. The "Summer Miracles" program seems to be the source of this other mom blogger's frustration. (She is an upper-middle class stay-at-home-mom with a husband and two young daughters, and who is considering participating in this program.) The "Summer Miracles" description states:
"This amazing program gives families to orphans age 8 to 13 who have little chance to be adopted in their own countries. Children aged 8-13 stay with host families who help them experience family life, send them to summer camp and work with Kidsave staff and volunteers to find adoptive families for these children."
Hmm...also seems legit. But, no lie, I believe that while a lot of good could come from this program, a lot of not-good could come from it, as well. If you are debating with yourself, trying to figure out if this is right for you (or anyone), consider the following:
1. Your own child(ren): How will your children feel about you bringing a strange child into the house, encouraging them to make friends, and then removing the child when his/her four weeks is up. How sad! I would feel awful about both children's hearts being broken upon having to separate them, should they become close.
2. The SAFETY of the children already in your home: I know this seems paranoid, but remember how I said that older adoptees often come with some serious emotional baggage? Some of these children have spent YEARS in an orphanage or in foster care, often being neglected and abused.
Here is a sad example of something awful that could happen: When I was in second/third grade, my family attended an Evangelical Free Church. My stepfather (not a nice man) was taken under the wing by a man named Dean (a VERY nice man whose real name is not actually Dean). Our families ended up spending a lot of time together. Dean and his wife had two biological children--a son in junior high and a son who was one year younger than me. The younger boy, we'll call him "Bobby," and I often played together (as much as we could, since we knew the other one had cooties) at church and/or family get-togethers. You know how you inspect people's family pictures when you visit their house? Well, I noticed that in some family pictures (that didn't look to be more than three-ish years old) there was another boy in the family. I remember asking my mom who and where that boy was. My mother informed me that these people had adopted this older child several years ago, that he had molested "Bobby," and that he had been sent away. Now. Tell me you want to take an older child, sight-unseen into your home around your young children. I can tell you here and now that I would be hesitant!
3. The orphan/foster child: Who wants to bet me money that these children are not being pumped full of fairy tale ideas by orphanage administrators? You know what, I'm almost 100% positive that most, if not all, of these children partake in these four-week visits full of hopes that somebody is going to love them and adopt them...especially the ones from overseas. If I were an 8-year-old orphan and some nice family took me into their home for four weeks, going back to the most-likely sub-standard conditions of an orphanage would probably make me want to run away. OMG. If that were me now, I am imagining that it would probably seem akin to being evicted and being forced to live on the streets. (Obviously, I realize that it isn't the same thing, so don't go getting offended.) I don't think I could do that to a child; if I were to participate in one of these programs, I would probably end up adopting or do it with intent to adopt.
And not to seem overly-negative, but how are the participating children chosen for these programs? Are these children the "best of the best," so to speak? Or the worst of the worst? Can you imagine an Eastern-European, Miss Hannigan-esque orphanage administrator who wants nothing more than to be rid of the children she oversees, and especially the ones who give her fits? Can you imagine doing this and getting Dennis the Menace?! Unfortunately, I can only guess that a situation like that wouldn't end well for any party involved.
3. The host parent(s): How, exactly, are these people vetted? If I want to do this, do I go through the same rigorous interrogative processes that I would go through if I were trying to adopt? Do I go through the same processes as would a foster parent? (I think most of us who are US citizens know that being a foster parent doesn't require a whole lot.) Upon further inspection, these people (at least, if they go through Kidsave) have to pay a little over $1500 in fees, not to mention they have to live in certain geographical locales. (Des Moines is one...I wonder if I'm close enough....)
Okay, provided you are a good and moral person, I don't mind that you want to adopt a child or two, or even have them visit you for a month every year. However, I am just scared out of my mind when it comes to people being unstable or abusive towards their adopted children. Some people slip through the cracks, are okay-ed for bringing an unbiological child into their home, and abuse the ever-loving s*** out of the kid(s). People like that need bad things done to them. Apparently, it is more likely that Eastern European children are the ones who will end up in these abusive situations, and I cannot even begin to tell you how sick that makes me. That said, I'm not really going to dote on this subject, but just keep in mind that not all adoptees are taken into loving and caring homes, even though that is what we all wish for them.
So, in conclusion, I suppose I have to say that I don't think that this type of program is always good for the children involved. There are a lot of emotions and hearts at stake, and many children will end up broken hearted if they are not chosen for adoption--especially since these programs seem aimed at finding these children a home. Could you imagine being one of the children who stays with a family, grows to love them, and is then rejected? The thought breaks my heart! If you are a person who thinks this is something you might like to do, PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEASE take all of these things into consideration. If you are a person who thinks this is something you might like to do, I sincerely hope that you do choose to adopt the child(ren) who stay with you--giving a child a home and love is giving a child the world. <3
I'm not sure that I've ever heard of this before, but apparently this is a thing: families can host an orphan in their home for four weeks, either resulting in adoption (YAY!!!), a long-lasting relationship, a child's heart being broken, or who knows what (*sadface*).
I have no experience with orphans or adoption (minus my mother and aunt being abandoned children in a foreign country who were brought to the US in the '60s), so I obviously don't speak from personal experience when I say that I think this seems like a horrible idea IF you have no intentions of eventually adopting the child you host. Even bringing the child into your home in order to "see how it goes" seems a little heartless to me. I say, forget your own emotions and consider the child you'd be bringing into your home. He or she is most likely going to have expectations of being permanently taken into your home. Also, one of the reasons that children are more difficult to adopt as they get older is that they tend to develop more emotional damage as the years pass. (This probably seems like a gross generalization, but children as young as three and four can be hard to adopt due to psychological/mental health issues.)
I have inspected the website www.kidsave.org, which seems to be at the center of the previous link's ire. It does appear that there is a program called "Weekend Miracles," which appears (to me) as a Big Brother/Big Sister-type program, and seems like a pretty good idea. The "Volunteer" section under "Weekend Miracles" says:
"Volunteers for Weekend Miracles can be host families, mentors or advocates for children. We also need people to help recruit host families among every demographic group — Caucasian families, families of color and families who will support gay, lesbian and transgender youth. Gay families are welcome. Together we recruit people to manage events each weekend so the kids can meet people interested in adopting and mentoring them. We partner with community organizations to host weekend events for kids — churches, synagogues, civic groups. If you have PR skills, website development, photography or social work expertise we can use you, too. If you or your organization are interested, please fill out a volunteer inquiry and a Kidsave staff member will get right back to you."
Like I said, seems legit...I would probably be down to do this. The "Summer Miracles" program seems to be the source of this other mom blogger's frustration. (She is an upper-middle class stay-at-home-mom with a husband and two young daughters, and who is considering participating in this program.) The "Summer Miracles" description states:
"This amazing program gives families to orphans age 8 to 13 who have little chance to be adopted in their own countries. Children aged 8-13 stay with host families who help them experience family life, send them to summer camp and work with Kidsave staff and volunteers to find adoptive families for these children."
Hmm...also seems legit. But, no lie, I believe that while a lot of good could come from this program, a lot of not-good could come from it, as well. If you are debating with yourself, trying to figure out if this is right for you (or anyone), consider the following:
1. Your own child(ren): How will your children feel about you bringing a strange child into the house, encouraging them to make friends, and then removing the child when his/her four weeks is up. How sad! I would feel awful about both children's hearts being broken upon having to separate them, should they become close.
2. The SAFETY of the children already in your home: I know this seems paranoid, but remember how I said that older adoptees often come with some serious emotional baggage? Some of these children have spent YEARS in an orphanage or in foster care, often being neglected and abused.
Here is a sad example of something awful that could happen: When I was in second/third grade, my family attended an Evangelical Free Church. My stepfather (not a nice man) was taken under the wing by a man named Dean (a VERY nice man whose real name is not actually Dean). Our families ended up spending a lot of time together. Dean and his wife had two biological children--a son in junior high and a son who was one year younger than me. The younger boy, we'll call him "Bobby," and I often played together (as much as we could, since we knew the other one had cooties) at church and/or family get-togethers. You know how you inspect people's family pictures when you visit their house? Well, I noticed that in some family pictures (that didn't look to be more than three-ish years old) there was another boy in the family. I remember asking my mom who and where that boy was. My mother informed me that these people had adopted this older child several years ago, that he had molested "Bobby," and that he had been sent away. Now. Tell me you want to take an older child, sight-unseen into your home around your young children. I can tell you here and now that I would be hesitant!
3. The orphan/foster child: Who wants to bet me money that these children are not being pumped full of fairy tale ideas by orphanage administrators? You know what, I'm almost 100% positive that most, if not all, of these children partake in these four-week visits full of hopes that somebody is going to love them and adopt them...especially the ones from overseas. If I were an 8-year-old orphan and some nice family took me into their home for four weeks, going back to the most-likely sub-standard conditions of an orphanage would probably make me want to run away. OMG. If that were me now, I am imagining that it would probably seem akin to being evicted and being forced to live on the streets. (Obviously, I realize that it isn't the same thing, so don't go getting offended.) I don't think I could do that to a child; if I were to participate in one of these programs, I would probably end up adopting or do it with intent to adopt.
And not to seem overly-negative, but how are the participating children chosen for these programs? Are these children the "best of the best," so to speak? Or the worst of the worst? Can you imagine an Eastern-European, Miss Hannigan-esque orphanage administrator who wants nothing more than to be rid of the children she oversees, and especially the ones who give her fits? Can you imagine doing this and getting Dennis the Menace?! Unfortunately, I can only guess that a situation like that wouldn't end well for any party involved.
3. The host parent(s): How, exactly, are these people vetted? If I want to do this, do I go through the same rigorous interrogative processes that I would go through if I were trying to adopt? Do I go through the same processes as would a foster parent? (I think most of us who are US citizens know that being a foster parent doesn't require a whole lot.) Upon further inspection, these people (at least, if they go through Kidsave) have to pay a little over $1500 in fees, not to mention they have to live in certain geographical locales. (Des Moines is one...I wonder if I'm close enough....)
Okay, provided you are a good and moral person, I don't mind that you want to adopt a child or two, or even have them visit you for a month every year. However, I am just scared out of my mind when it comes to people being unstable or abusive towards their adopted children. Some people slip through the cracks, are okay-ed for bringing an unbiological child into their home, and abuse the ever-loving s*** out of the kid(s). People like that need bad things done to them. Apparently, it is more likely that Eastern European children are the ones who will end up in these abusive situations, and I cannot even begin to tell you how sick that makes me. That said, I'm not really going to dote on this subject, but just keep in mind that not all adoptees are taken into loving and caring homes, even though that is what we all wish for them.
So, in conclusion, I suppose I have to say that I don't think that this type of program is always good for the children involved. There are a lot of emotions and hearts at stake, and many children will end up broken hearted if they are not chosen for adoption--especially since these programs seem aimed at finding these children a home. Could you imagine being one of the children who stays with a family, grows to love them, and is then rejected? The thought breaks my heart! If you are a person who thinks this is something you might like to do, PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEASE take all of these things into consideration. If you are a person who thinks this is something you might like to do, I sincerely hope that you do choose to adopt the child(ren) who stay with you--giving a child a home and love is giving a child the world. <3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)