Today I was scrolling through my not-Pagan Facebook page and discovered that another mom blogger had posted this link: http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/47275
I'm not sure that I've ever heard of this before, but apparently this is a thing: families can host an orphan in their home for four weeks, either resulting in adoption (YAY!!!), a long-lasting relationship, a child's heart being broken, or who knows what (*sadface*).
I have no experience with orphans or adoption (minus my mother and aunt being abandoned children in a foreign country who were brought to the US in the '60s), so I obviously don't speak from personal experience when I say that I think this seems like a horrible idea IF you have no intentions of eventually adopting the child you host. Even bringing the child into your home in order to "see how it goes" seems a little heartless to me. I say, forget your own emotions and consider the child you'd be bringing into your home. He or she is most likely going to have expectations of being permanently taken into your home. Also, one of the reasons that children are more difficult to adopt as they get older is that they tend to develop more emotional damage as the years pass. (This probably seems like a gross generalization, but children as young as three and four can be hard to adopt due to psychological/mental health issues.)
I have inspected the website www.kidsave.org, which seems to be at the center of the previous link's ire. It does appear that there is a program called "Weekend Miracles," which appears (to me) as a Big Brother/Big Sister-type program, and seems like a pretty good idea. The "Volunteer" section under "Weekend Miracles" says:
"Volunteers for Weekend Miracles can be host families, mentors or advocates for children. We also need people to help recruit host families among every demographic group — Caucasian families, families of color and families who will support gay, lesbian and transgender youth. Gay families are welcome. Together we recruit people to manage events each weekend so the kids can meet people interested in adopting and mentoring them. We partner with community organizations to host weekend events for kids — churches, synagogues, civic groups. If you have PR skills, website development, photography or social work expertise we can use you, too. If you or your organization are interested, please fill out a volunteer inquiry and a Kidsave staff member will get right back to you."
Like I said, seems legit...I would probably be down to do this. The "Summer Miracles" program seems to be the source of this other mom blogger's frustration. (She is an upper-middle class stay-at-home-mom with a husband and two young daughters, and who is considering participating in this program.) The "Summer Miracles" description states:
"This amazing program gives families to orphans age 8 to 13 who have little chance to be adopted in their own countries. Children aged 8-13 stay with host families who help them experience family life, send them to summer camp and work with Kidsave staff and volunteers to find adoptive families for these children."
Hmm...also seems legit. But, no lie, I believe that while a lot of good could come from this program, a lot of not-good could come from it, as well. If you are debating with yourself, trying to figure out if this is right for you (or anyone), consider the following:
1. Your own child(ren): How will your children feel about you bringing a strange child into the house, encouraging them to make friends, and then removing the child when his/her four weeks is up. How sad! I would feel awful about both children's hearts being broken upon having to separate them, should they become close.
2. The SAFETY of the children already in your home: I know this seems paranoid, but remember how I said that older adoptees often come with some serious emotional baggage? Some of these children have spent YEARS in an orphanage or in foster care, often being neglected and abused.
Here is a sad example of something awful that could happen: When I was in second/third grade, my family attended an Evangelical Free Church. My stepfather (not a nice man) was taken under the wing by a man named Dean (a VERY nice man whose real name is not actually Dean). Our families ended up spending a lot of time together. Dean and his wife had two biological children--a son in junior high and a son who was one year younger than me. The younger boy, we'll call him "Bobby," and I often played together (as much as we could, since we knew the other one had cooties) at church and/or family get-togethers. You know how you inspect people's family pictures when you visit their house? Well, I noticed that in some family pictures (that didn't look to be more than three-ish years old) there was another boy in the family. I remember asking my mom who and where that boy was. My mother informed me that these people had adopted this older child several years ago, that he had molested "Bobby," and that he had been sent away. Now. Tell me you want to take an older child, sight-unseen into your home around your young children. I can tell you here and now that I would be hesitant!
3. The orphan/foster child: Who wants to bet me money that these children are not being pumped full of fairy tale ideas by orphanage administrators? You know what, I'm almost 100% positive that most, if not all, of these children partake in these four-week visits full of hopes that somebody is going to love them and adopt them...especially the ones from overseas. If I were an 8-year-old orphan and some nice family took me into their home for four weeks, going back to the most-likely sub-standard conditions of an orphanage would probably make me want to run away. OMG. If that were me now, I am imagining that it would probably seem akin to being evicted and being forced to live on the streets. (Obviously, I realize that it isn't the same thing, so don't go getting offended.) I don't think I could do that to a child; if I were to participate in one of these programs, I would probably end up adopting or do it with intent to adopt.
And not to seem overly-negative, but how are the participating children chosen for these programs? Are these children the "best of the best," so to speak? Or the worst of the worst? Can you imagine an Eastern-European, Miss Hannigan-esque orphanage administrator who wants nothing more than to be rid of the children she oversees, and especially the ones who give her fits? Can you imagine doing this and getting Dennis the Menace?! Unfortunately, I can only guess that a situation like that wouldn't end well for any party involved.
3. The host parent(s): How, exactly, are these people vetted? If I want to do this, do I go through the same rigorous interrogative processes that I would go through if I were trying to adopt? Do I go through the same processes as would a foster parent? (I think most of us who are US citizens know that being a foster parent doesn't require a whole lot.) Upon further inspection, these people (at least, if they go through Kidsave) have to pay a little over $1500 in fees, not to mention they have to live in certain geographical locales. (Des Moines is one...I wonder if I'm close enough....)
Okay, provided you are a good and moral person, I don't mind that you want to adopt a child or two, or even have them visit you for a month every year. However, I am just scared out of my mind when it comes to people being unstable or abusive towards their adopted children. Some people slip through the cracks, are okay-ed for bringing an unbiological child into their home, and abuse the ever-loving s*** out of the kid(s). People like that need bad things done to them. Apparently, it is more likely that Eastern European children are the ones who will end up in these abusive situations, and I cannot even begin to tell you how sick that makes me. That said, I'm not really going to dote on this subject, but just keep in mind that not all adoptees are taken into loving and caring homes, even though that is what we all wish for them.
So, in conclusion, I suppose I have to say that I don't think that this type of program is always good for the children involved. There are a lot of emotions and hearts at stake, and many children will end up broken hearted if they are not chosen for adoption--especially since these programs seem aimed at finding these children a home. Could you imagine being one of the children who stays with a family, grows to love them, and is then rejected? The thought breaks my heart! If you are a person who thinks this is something you might like to do, PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEASE take all of these things into consideration. If you are a person who thinks this is something you might like to do, I sincerely hope that you do choose to adopt the child(ren) who stay with you--giving a child a home and love is giving a child the world. <3
